1. What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy-up!
2. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
3. What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
4. What do you call an angry carrot?
A steamed veggie.
5. Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank.
6. How do you make an egg roll?
You push it!
7. What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
8. What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-ntain.
9. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
10. Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two tired.
11. What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.
12. RIP, boiling water.
You will be mist.
13. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
14. I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
I’ll let you know what comes first.
15. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!
16. What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
17. What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
18. Where was King David’s temple located?
Beside his ear.
19. What did one toilet say to another?
You look flushed.
20. What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
21. What does corn say when it gets a compliment?
Aw, shucks!
22. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
23. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
24. What do sprinters eat before they race?
Nothing. They fast.
25. What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day.
26. A bossy man walked into a bar…
And ordered everyone a round.
27. What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
1forrest1.
28. What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh.
29. What do you call a pig that practices karate?
A pork chop.
30. Do you know what they say about a clean desk?
It’s a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
31. How did the barber win the race?
He knew a short cut.
32. I told my friend 10 jokes to make him laugh.
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
